Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled, and do not let them be afraid.
John 14:27
I have always struggled with fear. I've been afraid my whole life. I'm not talking about paralyzing fear, but an underlying fear that keeps one uncomfortable, unhappy and often motionless. Shortly after my mother died in 1984, I took voice lessons with an instructor who was herself once a pupil of Dietrich Fischer-Dieskau. Look him up; he's quite famous in opera-classical music circles. Anyway, she was quite the tyrant and would scream at me saying "live up to your name!". My surname in Italian means "glorious". Not once did Lucia give me a compliment other than "OK, we move on".
After about eight months of studying with her and being called many unflattering names; out of the blue she says "John, I want you to quit your job, cancel all other classes and only study with me. I promise, you will make your living with your voice". Er uhm what? I have always been told that I have a beautiful voice (nothing I did to earn it-it's just what comes out when I sing). What was I to do? On the one hand, I thought it would be glorious indeed to sing for my supper to use an old out of use term which shows my age. On the other hand, I was scared out of my wits at the thought of taking this risk. The fact that I'm a social worker will tell you the choice I made and have regretted ever since. This decision was the product of my overwhelming fear.
Peace is not the opposite of fear, but without an underlying peace that all will be well and life will unfold as it should, little that is "glorious" will be possible. Jesus, in today's gospel tells his disciples "...my peace I give you. Do not let your hearts be troubled, and do not let them be afraid.". Would that I had the strength to trust that promise of peace to make another choice for my life's course. Who knows what would have been possible? To accept the peace promised in today's gospel, we must have faith. Faith in God, faith in ourselves and faith that all will be as it should. Not that this is easy, but without this faith and the trust it engenders, little that is glorious is possible.
My life has not been an empty shell or worthless because of the decision I made all those years ago, but not a day goes by that I don't wonder "what if?".
Hear Dietrich Fischer-Dieskau HERE
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